New perspective


Recently, a lot of negativity has consumed me.  I went out to a cabin in the mountains for a couple of days and did a lot of thinking.  I have decided that since Micah’s happiness is all that really matters, he doesn’t ever need to see the ugliness that transpired this past week.  I am also sorry that I expressed my anger on here for everyone to read.  Therefore, I have decided to remove some of my recent blog posts.  I am so grateful for all of the support and love sent my way over the last several days; it was really nice to be reminded by the people that really know me that I am an awesome person!  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

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All grown up


So, Micah Paul, this is my last night in St. Maarten.  I’m flying home tomorrow and will be picking you up on Saturday.  The next two weeks will be epic.  I will remind you just how much I love you.  I will not touch my laptop for the entirety of the time we are together; you won’t remember it, but you hate it when your daddy has the laptop in his lap.  I would always be trying to squeeze a few extra minutes of study time in when you were preoccupied, and then you would look up and see the dreaded laptop in my lap, and you would walk over and close it, as if to say, “no daddy, I am the center of the universe,” and that you will be.  I had a nightmare the other night:  I came home after many months of being away (reality), and you were already grown up.  You were the size of a 4 year old, and I realized that I had missed so many wonderful experiences with you.  It was devastating, and I awoke to my own sobs of grief; then, I realized that it wasn’t quite that bad, but it gave me the final kick in the ass that I needed to finish what I came here to do.  Truth be told, I had been extremely depressed being without you for so long and was in a major slump.  Micah Paul, I hope you read these posts one day and understand that without you, I would have been nothing.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again after this:  You are the reason for my being, and without you, I would have been nothing.  Thank you, son.

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I’m an open blog


The older I get, the colder I get.  Lately, I’ve been wondering about love for a woman and my capacity to experience it again.  As many of you know, I am newly divorced.  I feel reassured that I am capable of love because I love Micah Paul so dearly, but…I’m having doubts about ever being able to love another woman again. I realize that usually (from past experience) time heals, but I’m really starting to wonder if maybe I have become irrevocably damaged.  It really disturbs me to think that I may not be resilient enough to recover from recent experiences, and that I may be permanently damaged and jaded.  Some of you may think that I am just attention seeking by writing this, but the fact of the matter is is that this is an outlet for me and is one way I cope with life;  as a matter of fact, I despise pointless histrionics.  Alas, I digress, so back to the topic at hand.  Lately, I’ve been wondering if maybe I’m too demanding (too hard to please, expecting too much, overly high standards) and if the problem is all internal, with no one to blame but myself. With that being said, at the same time, I also see my value as a person and as a potential mate.  Is it too much to ask that I find in a woman the qualities I seek (intelligence, humor, morality, nobility, honorability, SEXINESS, etc–not in that order necessarily, lol)?  Anyway, I’m completely confused.  Really, I make no time for dating and relationships and am a walking paradox (because I have no time to dedicate outside of medicine at this point), but at the same time, I am so lonely.  So, I am hoping that ,when one day I finally do have time for love, that I will be capable of accepting it for what it is and not overanalyzing it.  Or, hopefully, it will be one of those extraordinary instances where there is no denying it, where the stars align, and I have no other option other than to KNOW without a doubt that that woman is the one for me.  I pray for fulfillment and happiness just like any other man, and I pray that it comes in such a timely manner that I will recognize it when it does happen.  Hopefully I won’t be too cold to accept that warm embrace if and when it does find me…


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Why fever is good


The main point of this post is to help me to understand the mechanism and logic behind fever production in response to bacterial infection.  If anyone else happens to gain valuable insight from this, then that will be an added benefit.

The body has a preferred core body temperature that is maintained via homeostatic mechanisms.  As I’m sure most of you know, this body temperature is, on average, 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, although it does vary minimally from person to person. Temperature sensors in your skin and in the hypothalamus monitor this core temperature and relay any deviations to the anterior hypothalamus.  The anterior hypothalamus then compares this measured temperature to the preferred set-point core temperature.  If the measured temperature is below the preferred set-point core temperature, the anterior hypothalamus communicates this to the posterior hypothalamus.  The posterior hypothalamus is in charge of communicating to the rest of the body that heat needs to be produced, so it sends out signals to ensure that this happens.  For example, the posterior hypothalamus sends a message to skeletal muscle, via alpha motor neurons, telling them to rapidly contract.  This resultant “shivering” generates heat, just as a car engine generates heat when work is being performed. Another mechanism of heat production is prompted by the activation of the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) by cold temperatures;  cold temperatures tell the SNS to activate beta receptors in brown fat, which increases the metabolic rate and heat production in these tissues.  This is one reason, besides having extra insulation, that overweight people in general can stay warmer than thinner people.

So, now that we’ve talked about ways the body generates heat in response to cold, we need to consider ways the body can get rid of excess heat.  For example, if you’ve been out in the heat for an extended period, your core body temperature would also increase to the point of causing tissue damage if not for homeostatic mechanisms to counteract this.  See, heat causes proteins to denature (what we call what happens when heat causes proteins to unravel from their most functional form).  Just think about what happens when you cook hamburger meet.  If not for certain of these homeostatic mechanisms, your heart muscle, for example, would become overheated and denature into a less functional form, which could lead to decreased contractility and death.  The anterior hypothalamus orchestrates the response to excess heat.  One way it does this is by decreasing sympathetic tone to cutaneous blood vessels, which causes them to dilate, allowing more blood to flow through them.  This allows more blood, which is carrying heat, to flow to the skin, enabling the release of excess heat at the body surface.  Furthermore, sweat glands are under sympathetic muscarinic control, so sympathetic stimulation also leads to more evaporation of heat from the body surface.

Now we’ll talk about how bacterial infections cause fever.  Certain bacteria cause an increase in the production of interleukin-1 (IL-1) in macrophages.  IL-1 in turn acts on the anterior hypothalamus, leading to an increase in the production of prostaglandins. Prostaglandins, in turn, lead to an increase in the set-point core temperature.  This will cause the anterior hypothalamus to perceive the core temperature as being too low (since the prostaglandins caused the resetting of the core temperature), prompting it to correct the temperature by implementing heat generating mechanisms, such as shivering.

You see, fever is the body’s natural response to fight off infection. Bacteria are made of proteins, and excess heat causes those bacterial structural proteins to denature the same way our own proteins would denature.  At the same time, certain bacterial enzymes–which are made of protein– that the bacteria require to proliferate are denatured.  So, as you can see, fever is a good thing in moderation and it isn’t necessarily in our best interest to short-circuit it prematurely.  If, for instance, you give aspirin prematurely to reduce a fever, you aren’t giving your body time to kill off the bacteria.  In essence, the bacteria are happy when you take aspirin to reduce the fever because that means that they can proliferate and wreak havoc.  Just for your information, aspirin works by inhibiting an enzyme, called cyclooxygenase.  Cyclooxygenase normally functions in the formation of prostaglandins, which, as you may recall, are required to increase the set point temperature.  So, if you inhibit cyclooxygenase, there are no prostaglandins being produced to increase the set-point temperature.  Therefore, aspirin works by lowering the set-point temperature back to its original pre-infection temperature.  This causes the hypothalamus to read the increased body temperature (caused by the fever) as being higher than the set-point temperature, so the body responds by activating heat loss mechanisms.  So, you may be able to see how giving aspirin to break a fever isn’t always in your best interest.  I personally would rather let my body fight off the infection naturally and would only recommend giving aspirin if the fever stays above a certain temperature for a certain period of time.  I don’t, however, feel comfortable explicitly defining that temperature and time frame, as each situation is different and requires medical expertise to evaluate the specific situation.  That’s why you have doctors!

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Random FB Convo extended


“Yeah, PA2(Paranormal Activity 2) really disturbed me the most because I already miss Micah so much, and the way it ended made me miss him even more. As for being lonely, mine is, unfortunately, self-imposed. In the past few months, I have met 2 wonderful women with whom there was wonderful chemistry and mutual attraction. However, at this point in my journey, I honestly have no time for a woman. I mean, I’m so focused on medicine at this point that I only have so much love to give, and my son gets that.”

The one time I decided to make some free time to enjoy myself, and I wish I hadn’t.  I have been standing on the edge of major depression for a while now, ever since my Micah went away to live with his mom after we split up (I think we’re actually divorced at this point).  Sometimes the littlest thing, like a movie, can trigger a depression…so, I didn’t feel like going to class today, and I hope I can just dive back into the books and just ignore all of this pain like I normally do.  I know it is completely unhealthy for us to ignore our problems, but in this particular situation there is absolutely no remedy for the pain; flying home to see him is out of the question until the semester ends.  I feel like crying right now, just thinking about how much I miss him.  Sometimes, when I feel this way, I try to replace the sad thought with an image of him doing something to make me smile, and it kind of tricks my brain into thinking everything is ok.  However, I have been using that trick way too frequently of late, and I think my brain is becoming resistant to that technique.  So, like I was saying, it’s time to go avoid reality by staying too busy to think about you, Micah.  I love you, and I pray to God every night to protect you and to bless you with the happiness that you deserve.  This will have to do until I can be there to protect you myself.

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JLMM


JLMM=Just Like My Mother

During the process of becoming a physician, I have learned about all types of terrifying disease scenarios.  Well, Micah Paul, this can’t bode well for you.  I hate to inform you of this, but you have a father who is just like his mother.  To make a long story shorter, while you were here staying with me over the past 3 weeks–in between my 4th and 5th semesters–you developed a cough.  During the day you were your usual, wonderful self, but at night, when you were recumbent in bed, you had a bad cough.  I got very little sleep–maybe 2 hours a night–because every time I would pass out from exhaustion, I would wake up alarmed, being as quiet as possible while I got close to your beautiful sleeping face in order to listen to your breathing.  You see, I knew that respiratory syncytial virus and parainfluenza virus cause croup, otherwise known as laryngotracheobronchitis.  I also knew that with croup, the causative virus invades the tissues surrounding the airway, and that when lymphocytes invade those tissues to go and battle the virus, the battleground (the tissues surrounding the airway) may become damaged.  One of the ways our bodies try to repair tissue damage is by swelling with fluids, which better allows the damaged tissues to wash away anything that doesn’t belong, such as viral particles.  This is good for the most part, but when the tissues surrounding your airway begin to swell, your airway becomes constricted.  The scary thing about croup is that it becomes very difficult to breathe, which can evolve in to a life-threatening emergency.  So, Micah Paul, even though you didn’t have croup, I still lost a lot of sleep fearing that you did.  I’m afraid I’ll always be overprotective when it comes to you, and I hope you can except it for what it is.  As annoying as you will think it is at times–and trust me, you will–please know that I am overprotective because you are the center of my universe.  I love you with all of my heart, and the last 3 weeks have been an indescribable joy for me.  Now, I must return to the island for one final semester, and I won’t be able to see you for another 3.5 months.  I’m sure the next time I see you, your feet will be able to reach the pedals of the Thomas the Tank big wheel I bought you for Christmas, and you will have learned so many new words.  The pain and regret of not being able to watch you grow intertwined with the pride and accomplishment of becoming a doctor is bittersweet (more bitter than sweet).  Please, Micah Paul, don’t ever forget that you are ultimately the reason I am doing this.  This is a small sacrifice in time that will, in the end, open up so many doors for you.  Me doing this now will pay dividends in the future.  I love you.

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I lost a lot, and lost


So, on September 6th, my buddy Jon challenged me to a weight loss competition to see who could lose the most by the end of the semester.  We weighed in this morning, a little shy of 3 months of intense competition.  I lost 31 pounds and Jon lost 34 pounds…in less than 3 months!!  I am super impressed with Jon’s will to win, and I am sure this is one of the many reasons he’ll make a great doctor in the near future.  Congrats buddy; I am humbled by your greatness :-)

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